Are you afraid to walk up to a beautiful woman and start a conversation with her because you’re afraid of being rejected?

Are you alone? 

As we’ve discussed in prior engagements, the mind only truly reacts to either intense pleasure or intense pain.  Feeling one of these two emotions will get you to make a change in your life instantly.

Think about it, are you in a “comfort zone”? Have you though about making some changes but life is too comfortable right now?

Are you one of those people that would rather look back and say, “I KNOW I could have done it… but I just didn’t…”?

I see this phenomenon in many instances but the most prevalent revolve around relationships and personal growth. How many people do you know that are in stale relationships but won’t move on because of the comfort level? How many have talked about new business ventures or making more money only to stave off because of the comfortable life they have at the moment.

Remember, growth only occurs when our mental boundaries expand. If something you haven’t done makes you a little uncomfortable (not scares the heck out of you), just think about the positive impact on life the new thing brings to you. Try to push yourself each day. Try to conquer, yes conquer, something new everyday.

The easiest way to accomplish this is through visualization (and that’s a whole other post in itself)

What are some of your personal hot buttons?  What is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you?

Let’s suppose that being “a loser” is high on your totem pole of worst possible things.  If you want to lose weight, just say to yourself when you need an extra push, “Only LOSERS are overweight.  I am not a loser; therefore, I’ll go to the gym today.”

Or… “Only LOSERS are afraid of talking to women… I’m not a loser; therefore, I’m gonna go talk to her.”

Of course, this represents a generic example.  Other examples could be instances where you’ve seen something very disturbing (like a ruined heart on TV).  You can then use that to “influence” you.  You obviously don’t want your heart to look like that, do you?

You can also use positive experiences to help. 

Suppose you were in the best shape of your life in college and there was one particular spring break trip that you remember vividly.  Let’s just say you had a “great time.”  If you are looking to get back into that type of shape, just continually reflect on that particular time of your life whenever your motivation subsides.

Or… maybe you “got lucky” and hooked up with a beautiful woman ONCE before.  If you want to get to a point of that happening more… just picture and reflect on that instance when you are afraid to talk to another beautiful woman.

(or just picture the time you had a one night stand with the ugliest person that you can think of, ha, ha)

These examples are completely fabricated but you can definitely understand where I’m coming from.

The “Comfort Zone” may be the worst place to be. Some may argue, in the case of personal growth, that rock bottom may be a better place.  The pain that a person can feel when they are this low will push many people to go places they’ve never dreamed, simply because now they feel like they have NOTHING TO LOSE. 

In order to break out of your “Comfort Zone” and see some meaningful changes, employ the pleasure-pain technique.  If the pleasure or pain you associate with the situation is great enough – the results are only a thought away.

The “Comfort Zone” may be the worst place to be. Some may argue, in the case of personal growth, that rock bottom may be a better place.  The pain that a person can feel when they are this low will push many people to go places they’ve never dreamed, simply because now they feel like they have NOTHING TO LOSE.

In order to break out of your “Comfort Zone” and see some meaningful changes, employ the pleasure-pain technique.  If the pleasure or pain you associate with the situation is great enough – the results are only a thought away.

Everyone is cool in Brad’s book. It’s just that most people are afraid to let their “coolness” shine through.  Watch this author, blogger, collaborator, and serial entrepreneur pull out all the stops when he tries to help guys get better in life. A perfect example, go measure your Adonis Index and build a perfect body with a free sample of Adonis Effect Workouts and Nutrition.

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Here’s a common refrain I frequently hear from Nice Guys, “All my female friends think I’m a catch, yet I think they all see me as simply just a friend. What should I do?

Being labeled a “Nice Guy” by a woman is the kiss of the death. If all the women you know are happy to share their problems with you, yet have no interest in dating you, I suspect I know what your problem is.

Think back to when you first started noticing the opposite sex in junior high or high school. The girls were developing physically and socially. They were intriguing. They were mysterious. They were hot.

You were changing too. Your voice was cracking. You developed body odor. Hairs sprouted on your chin. Even though your body was developing, your social skills lagged way behind those of your female peers.

You wanted the attention of the girls your age, but you had no idea how to get it. It seemed as if they were from a different planet.

If you were lucky enough to be really good looking, good at sports, very wealthy, or confident beyond your years, you might have naturally attracted the attention of the boy-crazy teenage girls. But alas, you weren’t any of those things, so you had to come up with another strategy.

It dawned on you. You would be different from the other guys. You wouldn’t be like the jerks who the girls (and maybe your mother) complained about. You’d be a Nice Guy. You would listen. You would be polite. You would go out of your way to do nice things for the girls you liked. This struck you as pure genius, especially since you didn’t have a clue of what else to do.

Unfortunately, this was the beginning of the end. You became a “Girlfriend with a Penis” (GFWAP). You became the guy girls talked to you about their jerk boyfriend. You drove them around in your car when they needed to go somewhere.

You became their “gay” friend. You were the guy destined to make some lucky woman a great boyfriend some day. All the while, you held out hope that the woman of your dreams would come to her senses, see what a great guy you were, and fall madly in love with you.

Becoming a girlfriend with a penis is terrible dating strategy and ineffective foreplay for a number of reasons.

First, being nice puts a big, tight lid on your mojo. By trying to be different from the other guys, you avoid ever sending any kind of sexual signals to women. You fear that any hint of sexual interest on your part will destroy the approval you so desperately seek (your desperateness is also a turn-off).

Like many Nice Guys, you probably believe that women don’t like sex and that they think men who want sex are bad. This is a common distorted Nice Guy belief. It is actually reinforced by you hiding your sexual desire from women you are interested in. When you express interest in being more than just friends, they seem surprised – not because they think sex is bad or think you are bad for wanting sex – but they never had a clue that you even think about sex!

Ironically, being “nice” drives up your anxiety. Trying to get women to like you actually makes you more nervous than if you are just yourself. This anxiety kills any buzz a woman might have for you.

So what’s the answer? You don’t want to become a jerk, but you’re tired of being a wussy doormat. There’s another alternative. Practice the 3Ts.

In every encounter you have with a woman, TOUCH her at least once, TEASE her at least once, and TELL her to do something at least once.

Successful daters and pickup guys naturally do these things when they talk with women. Touching, teasing and telling all project confidence and mojo. Since confidence is the number one turn-on for women, they can’t help but respond. Even if a woman isn’t available, she will still feel aroused by the guy who practices the 3Ts.

Dr. Robert Glover, the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy, has been teaching men how to get what they want in love and life for over 25 years. A recovered Nice Guy himself, Dr. Glover shares his insights and practical how-to skills through seminars, workshops, and online classes. Check him out at DatingEssentialsForMen.com and NoMoreMrNiceGuy.com 

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So in order to communicate more sexually in everything you’re doing and to get more results, there’s a few things you can do

1. Learn from natural men live or with coaching and see how they communicate with women (ie. Brent, Zan or me)
2. Learn from natural alpha women because they represent the peak of female sexuality itself. Get in dating relationships with 2nd and 3rd world women for a change. Get around more natural people and see a different reality which represents natural attraction.
3. Get in relationship to natural alpha female energy and resources which will recondition your mind and energy into an accurate definition of sexuality that will be evident in real world daily attraction.

This means placing a Natural Alpha woman as your model of female sexuality while taking the pornstar off of the pedestal or throne.

This is when you get back in touch with nature, energy and power. Seduction is bringing out the ‘natural’ character of women and how are you going to do that if you don’t have any idea what it is?

It HAS been suppressed in most of our women and they are adaptive models or byproducts of social and inner development - nature is the key and instead of guessing what it is or spending YEARS doing countless approaches, just go to the source.

You will learn more from behaviorally natural women than you will from ANY dating coach or PUA. This will fast forward your ability to attract and succeed with all women because seduction is ‘bringing out’ the natural character within women.

Developing an ‘alpha’ level physiological relationship with female alpha nature will do things that you thought were impossible and with far less work. It will help allow you to communicate sexually with ALL women.

Of course you can keep focusing on the women in your area code by approaching, meeting and dating them but if you want the faster track to results with the women you desire; simultaneously build a relationship with their alpha nature from women who are already natural behaviorally.

Otherwise it will take dozens of dates or relationships (if you can even develop them without strong nature) in the 1st world to even start having a clue as to what their raw sexuality is (and the ability to continue being a strong magnet of attraction).

Having girls overseas who are more behaviorally natural will clue you in to the psychology and sexuality of the more repressed women you’re dating so you can bring their nature out faster for their benefit. It will shave years of ineffectiveness off of your learning curve. Try it and see. It’s the nature of women that matters more than their personality or social status and the faster you can build your understanding and energy relationship WITH that alpha nature, the more you will attract and succeed with (all) women.

You can have a skill and power that very few men have and the possibilities are limitless because our women are so suppressed naturally. You can be their antidote for the types of relationships you (both) want.

This direct power and attractive ability does NOT come from developing your interpersonal or social skills (which at best, are the longer path because you’re just not connecting with women on the sexual level and relationships will stop at the start before they begin because you couldn’t open her path).

Communicate sexually (naturally) and women will thank you for it! You CAN be your true self with power and become more of a real natural with women.

Rion Williams is a leader of the Natural movement in the dating industry. For more info on becoming a  real natural with women, join his official ‘Natural Game’ mailing list at www.naturalgamedating.com/pickup.htm

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For those of you that don’t know pick-up language, a kiss close is when you meet a woman in a square in Europe, or you meet a woman in a bar, or wherever, and you get a kiss close. This means you talk to her for like five or six minutes and then you get a kiss close.

But what is so funny, and what most guys don’t think about is this: that doesn’t validate you!

So you kissed some random woman? If she was so up for kissing you, you don’t know who’s dick she had in her mouth the night before! So basically you’re kissing someone’s dick from the night before. Think about that.

Not only that, but I know guys that have kiss closed women in bars, and I’ve seen it – they’ve actually kiss closed a woman in a bar, and they come over and they are so proud of it – all of a sudden I’ll see that woman making out with some other dude in the corner, grabbing his crotch.

Now the thought of sticking my tongue in a woman’s mouth that’s probably already gone down on some other dude doesn’t really appeal to me!

The fact is: why do you want to kiss somebody that you don’t even know? She could have the flu! She could have a really nasty cold. She could be skanky. She could have a cold sore – why do you have to validate yourself by kiss closing a random woman?

That doesn’t make you a man. It’s silly, it’s ridiculous, and it’s one of the dumbest things – this is why these guys call themselves ‘puas’. What does ‘pua’ stand for? Once again, every time I say it: it’s a pick-up asshole!

Basically you’re an asshole running around trying to pick up women all day long instead of learning how to attract women. Stop trying to pick them up – they’re not weights! You can’t lift them up over your head or curl them!

“Hey man, let’s pick up some women today,” “cool, I picked up two today, let’s put them on either side of a stick and just lift them and get a good workout,” right?

If you really want to pick up some women, lay down on the ground, I’ll throw one on top of you, and let’s see how many women you can bench press.

But that kiss close thing – this has always been something that has really repulsed me. Granted – I’m not a prude, I’m not an asshole, I have definitely gone out and had my share of make out sessions with random women in bars – when I was drunk and loaded.

But think about it as a sober person: think about where her mouth has been. Think about it: if she’s so willing to kiss you so quickly, think about where her mouth could have been ten minutes before.

Now do you still want to kiss close those lips?

Or would you rather spend the time, get to know her, and turn her into a dynamic, passionate, sexual being that absolutely indulges every inch of your body? 

If you want that, I’ll tell you about it another day!

David Wygant is the nation’s leading personal dating coach. David’s dating advice can help you succeed with the opposite sex like never before. Visit www.davidwygant.com to learn how David can help you.

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Like its readers, the site has evolved over the years, from its beginnings in 1999 with mainly a small archive of posts to the current gigantic accumulation of nearly 700,000 archived posts, the most respected forum in the community, a wingman database in the tens of thousands, useful guides, to it’s pivotal role as “the community” in the NY Times best-selling book, “The Game”.  A site-wide Wiki, contributed articles from experts, chat, official Lair List… just about any feature imaginable for the aspiring pick-up artist, is on FS.  There is now even a literal “API” to allow webmasters of other web resources to hook into its huge member base.

It seems every man who’s put to good use the information the pick-up community has offered is knowledgeable of this website’s importance.  Many men successful in dating and relationships have used the content available at FS to enhance their skill set.  When asked webmaster Jay Valens (a.k.a. “Formhandle”), about this role the site plays, he had this to say:

“…[pick-up] is a non-stop lifestyle full of ups and downs and I want to ensure Fast Seduction caters its content to such needs.  In order to supply the community with such a home, we only pursue the best relationships in order to supply visitors with the most valuable material.  I’m not about personalities or idols as much as I am having the best available materials to be affiliated with our name.”

Being fans of the site, we couldn’t agree more.

The Fast Seduction moniker is held amongst the highest in credibility in our community.  Not only is it “home base” for all the greatest material, it is what provides a center to the community.  It intertwines the most-used methods and schools of though which are much-admired by students and teachers alike.  The community was created for men to come together in their journey of self-fulfillment.  It is a movement of self-awareness and improvement and, with such a philosophy, it would make the best sense for that center to be held on high ground.

The sense of togetherness is clear from the initiation of a forum feature, known to many as “mASF”.  Since forums were presented as a form of feedback and accountability, the community has been propelled into the mainstream.  Whether or not the appeal of pick-up has been accepted by the masses, the progress of it has been accounted for quite readily at FastSeduction.com.

Still, in the grand scheme of the mainstream, socially aware people are unacquainted with the loads of content available on this site.  If you are a man and on a pursuit of social self-improvement, to ignore the significance of this site would be like hindering your growth.  It is our job as men to be responsible for our relationships, our social networks, and our personal satisfaction in our lives – and FS provides a unique stepping stone to such growth.

Even after the community has grown world-wide, FS is still sought out as an authority on the subject of pick-up, and even before the sudden influx of attention, starting around 2004-2005, Fast Seduction held tight the most inspiring masters in the field of personal development.  Before such media exposure shed light on the thousands of men who seek to find awareness in social interactions, FS was there keeping the community intact and growing.

We know many men who are incredibly consistent in attracting women, and we’ve found FS even provides them with tools and information to maintain a constant self-improvement. Pickup Podcast listeners are some of the most determined social scientists and self critics and I personally feel that Fast Seduction would be a significant tool in their arsenal.

Fast Seduction is chock full of material geared toward developing your best self.  The core features such as the Acronym page and Player Guide are fundamentally essential for anyone partaking on the journey to self-improvement and personal enhancement.  They are your starting point and, to help guide the beginner, FS also hosts a “You Are New” section to step you through the growth process, from A to Z.  Believe it or not, that’s just the beginning — if you feel you’re capable of consuming as much information as possible and willing to make the leap into a lifestyle of abundance then diving into the rest of the features on FS is your ticket.

While browsing and searching through the endless pages of value one can expect a shift in consciousness.  The conviction and influence injected into the theme of the website is invaluable.  It’s motivating and inspiring to anyone at any and level.  FS has been around when the major names of this industry where first developing their unique styles of pick-up, and it’s witnessed the massive growth and explosion of information.   All such material is logged there and easily found.  Some MAY find it daunting at first but it only takes a short time to get accustomed to the wealth of information, especially for the truly motivated.

Formhandle states, “I know that when first finding the site, it can seem quite intimidating due to the sheer volume of information and, although it’s all logically organized and simple to use, this feeling can’t be avoided by new visitors.  We do have other resources which are more plainly and graphically presented, but FS remains what it is – a powerhouse knowledgebase unlike any other.  It is that which allows it to remain so valuable, because if it was reduced to the lowest common denominator for the masses then it would miss the mark and go against its purpose.”

I know many successful pick up artists who would recommend this site to anyone of any level of understanding.

When asking around, it doesn’t take long to learn that the most prolific names of pick-up, whether they be purely pick-up artists, dating coaches, or in-field instructors still find FS to be one of the top sources for information in the social arts.  It is where many pick-up businesses started, alliances were formed, friends were found and history was made.

FastSeduction.com is continuing to lead the industry with constant ingenuity and unity.  Leaving our egos at the door and accepting new schools of thought and the best methods of practice to enhance our development, FS has always lead the way, and it seems that Formhandle never disappoints.  All in all, if you’re missing something in your interactions it can be found here on this site.  And, it seems to regularly be on the technological edge.  Most recently, the main archive of the site has had it’s search features greatly enhanced, and also rather elegant browsing feature was also added.  Earlier this year, Formhandle also re-launched the PUA Archives with twice as many archives and a much-enhanced organization and collection.  Last year, went through a major revamp with endless improvements and Formhandle released a “Community Connector” service for developers.

This is part one of a three part breakdown of what FastSeduction.com has to offer the community from it’s beginning to its newly found exposure in the media. Many thanks go to FS for making the community what it is today.

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Check out The Art of Charm

Check out Hookah Paradise Don’t forget to use coupon code ‘pickuppodcast’ to save 10%!

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From now on I want you to consider ‘real’ SEXUAL communication as NATURAL communication. In order to do  this, you have to have a proper definition of sexuality.

If you have the belief that pornstars are models of sexuality, that belief (and all of the emotional energy charged around it) will form your experience of reality. You would chase the prize of what you thought was sexual.

The thing is, porn is not natural or sexual; it’s purely SOCIAL. It’s the exploitation of the culmination of a pre-existing relationship; used to manipulate the economic behavior of men and generate billions in profits for multiple industries.

That’s why maybe you’re stuck in the social dynamics of ‘tactics’ and ‘game’ trying to ‘get’ what you  believe is sexual when it’s really just all female social adaptation. Women KNOW it’s not sexual but can’t ever tell you because you’re supposed to already know that sexuality is something ENTIRELY different.

But if you didn’t know this, you would continue to communicate with what you thought was real in the world around you; social and interpersonal communication. I mean, porn even LOOKS real when you’re in  relationship to it but that’s the whole illusion.

When you can communicate on that true sexual level (which is NATURAL), that’s when EVERYTHING changes and your success with women will skyrocket. More tactics and countless approaches are NOT the solution if you’re communicating with her social adaptive mask.

You see, with women we are communicating on different levels simultaneously, whether it be approaching, meeting or going on a date. We are broadcasting and always communicating whether we know it or not. What you are broadcasting in your energy can either attract or repel women before you even approach.

It’s what and how we communicate in relation to women that will generally determine our amount of success. Are you communicating natural value (sexual) or sparring with her superficial social shell with the belief that her skin is ‘the prize’ to ‘get some’? It’s an entirely different reality we’re talking about here.

I’ve broken communication down like this to be more accurate and relevant to understand. I call these different ‘dynamics’ of communication; Social, Interpersonal, Natural and Relational.

Social: status, judgments, social value, pretension, social validation, social proof, prizechasing, ‘the game’, NEG/DHV, image, prejudice, bitchiness, boredom, socio-culturally influenced, caring what others think, preclusions, rockstar, pornstar, the fantasy, sexploitation, appearance; (this is the most corrupt, pliable and fickle dynamic)

Social Alpha Models include; Jenna Jameson, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Pornstars and now millions ofwomen modeling the look and behavior of softporn stars - none of which are sexual models, only socialadaptive.

Interpersonal: logical, personal preferences, interests and preclusions, education, personal development, verbal communication, language, personality, intelligence, ‘inner game’..

Interpersonal Alpha Models include; Oprah Winfrey, Angelina Jolie, NYC Career women (Prada’s), independent women, Suze Ormond, etc. - focus on personal/career development - none of which is sexual, only personal. These women are notorious for forgetting how to flirt while social alpha’s are great at prickteasing (social communication instead of sexual).

Natural: (sexual, nonverbal, primal, physical, attraction, powerful, the mating dance, kissing, emotional, feeling, biological, intuitive, sex itself in reality not fantasy, etc.) - These mostly 2nd and 3rd world women are the masters of relationships, flirting, mating, being ‘real’ in tune, and the attraction process..closest to nature and historical biology; the perfect mothers and wives without the corrupted social stereotypical view of it.

Relational: (energy, physiology, power, attraction, behavior, behavioral change in response to external stimuli) - ie. a women melting and uncontrollably flirting in relation to a strong man’s presence

That is just a brief overview, but by being aware of these different communicative ‘dynamics’ we can start to see a LOT of things. Maybe you’ve been playing the wrong game this whole time and continuing down that approachaholic path will just predictably be more of the same until you can communicate natural value and bring out her nature nonverbally (the mating process).

I have the tools and processes to help directly get you there but it’s not like anything you’d expect  because we’re studying a different area of ‘game’ here.

Generally, 94% of communication is non-verbal and energy (natural & relational). That’s why PUA’s have to work 10X harder than Naturals; they’re playing in the weakest and nonsexual dynamics of communicationlevels with women.

With this knowledge, why WOULD you continue communicating only with her nonsexual and ’social’ behavior?Because you’ve been conditioned to believe it’s sexuality and to value it. Real changes won’t begin until you reframe your belief system at the core.

 Faster physiological changes with the results you’ve always desired won’t happen until you are emotional and believe that sexuality is something completely different.

When you can value a woman’s nature over her social adaptation to sexploitation, then the magic will start happening for you consistently as it does with me and my students. The power and reality is very real because this nature is suppressed within millions of women and a few naturals know the respectful power they have to bring it out of these women; a power far greater than his own inner game.

Next time, we’ll look at HOW to develop your sexual communication skills.

Rion Williams is a leader of the Natural movement in the dating industry. For more info on becoming a  real natural with women, join his official ‘Natural Game’ mailing list @ www.naturalgamedating.com/pickup.htm

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Let’s call them the “ABC’s Of Great Sex”:

• A: ANATOMY (hers) – You need know the basics of her body.  Know where her “magic buttons” are and how to touch them in the right ways.  Understand her body and the way it responds to different types of stimulus.  And, for  extra credit, let’s include her brain.  Knowing how to stimulate this part of her anatomy is the shortcut to giving her powerful orgasms.
• B: BODY CONTROL (yours) – Great orgasms can come from your fingers, your tongue, and many other techniques… but great sex, especially great love-making, requires that you can control your erection.  You need to be able to get hard when you want to, and you need to be able to last as long as you both want it to last.
• C:  CONNECTION – This is the part that most people mess up completely.  It is the most powerful way to give her an unforgettable experience in bed (even if it is a one-night-stand… connection doesn’t mean that you’ve promised to love each other forever).  And, of course, this is the part that I tend to talk about most in my writings…

But let’s talk “B” for a minute.

Here’s some quick facts for you:

While many studies have been done that show that the average Joe can last for 2.5 minutes… or somewhere around 7 minutes (the studies never agree)… the fact is, nobody knows how long average is, because there’s nothing like a stop-watch in the room to change everything about the way you would normally have sex.

But I’ll tell you this much– after years of giving advice on sexuality, I can tell you that it is the most common question that men ask me when looking for my advice.

And, not be cute or dodge the question, but I think if you take a mature look at the issue, it’s obvious that “long enough” is the amount of time it takes you both to be happy and satisfied.  So, by definition, if you want to learn how to last longer then, obviously, you are not lasting long enough for your OWN satisfaction.

It’s also worth knowing, right now, that even if you have a severe problem with premature ejaculation, you CAN learn to last as long as you want.  ANY man can learn total control over his ejaculation given some time, practice, and the right information.

You may have read about “kegel compressions”, the exercise developed by the gynecologist Dr. Ernst Kegel, and, YES, they are very important in learning to control your ejaculation.

However, many articles posted all over the internet will tell you that when your PC muscles are strong enough from doing thousands of kegels, you can just squeeze them to prevent ejaculation, and your problem will be solved.

Untrue.

At least it’s untrue if you want to have good sex.  Because, seriously, you can’t expect to have good sex if you have to stop every 30 seconds and squeeze your guts out until the veins are throbbing in your head trying not to ejaculate.

But kegels are important, and strengthening your PC muscles will increase your ability to last longer all by itself.  Further, if you want to take this all the way and learn the ability to have “male multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms” as I describe in my Command & Control program, then kegels are a very important part of learning the “muscular intelligence” and building the neural pathways that allow that to happen.

Ultimately, the way to control ejaculation is not by getting big, powerful PC muscles… it is by learning to control the excitement level in your BRAIN.

I talk about dozens of techniques for lasting longer in my writings, but for the PU Podcast Blog I want to talk about an idea that is more advanced… and if you can “get it”, it is miles more powerful than just about anything else you are likely to ever read on the subject.

Instead of kegels, I advise you to start practicing meditation or pranayama (yoga breathing exercises), so that you can strengthen your brain… not your PC muscles.  That is the best preparation for what I’m going to teach you here today.

Let’s start with something that you already know is true:

When you are in a competitive game, whether it’s ping-pong or boxing, when you are mentally “on your game” and you are confident that you are going to win, you usually dominate the other guy easily…

Likewise, when you are in a negative or weak mental state, when you feel intimidated by your competition, you are pretty much guaranteed to get destroyed.

Here’s the punch line:  lasting longer during sex works exactly the same way.

I’m not just giving you a pep talk here.  I have done piles of research on this and counseled hundreds of men on this issue.  (My success rate, by the way, is staggering… far beyond any study that I have ever read about).

The vast majority of men who say to me, “I can’t last long enough in bed to please my partner,” only have that problem because they BELIEVE that they get overly excited and can’t control themselves during intercourse.

Read: They don’t have this problem during masturbation, and usually don’t have any issues during oral sex either.

Nope, it’s only when it’s “game on” and they have a sense that could “lose” or “fail” by ejaculating before giving their girlfriend an orgasm…

In other words, they are caving under pressure.

Ouch.

But if you’ve spent any time at all practicing a sport, you know that if you put in the effort, you can get that competitive edge back… (cue Rocky Music… no, make it Rocky II, the cheesy “Eye Of The Tiger” song)…

Or, if  you are the cerebral type, consider this an NLP reframing exercise.  Either way, we’re talking about the same thing.

You need to understand that you can control the emotional state in which you experience sex.

You will fail if you get into bed in a weak frame of mind: “oh no, I’m so nervous, what if I come too soon again, she’s going to be disappointed, she’s going to leave me… I need to control myself, control myself, control my… oops.”

Take a deep breath.  I’m going to say something difficult to hear:  There is ZERO reason for this to happen.  You CAN stop that nervous internal dialog.

If instead you were thinking something like…

“I’m about to rock this little girl’s mind…”

Or, “I love this woman, I feel so much tenderness just looking at her…”

Or, “this is fun… I love touching her…”

Get the idea?  I mean, rationally now… don’t those thing sound like what you SHOULD be thinking?

There are many ways you can learn to swap out your negative thoughts for a more positive model.  There are NLP exercises, hypnosis, raw will power, and many others…

I recommend doing something easy: “Fake it ’til you make it.”

If you’ve ever taken an acting class this should be easy for you… if not, just try to remember what it was like when you were playing “pretend” as a kid and you were the cop… or the robber… (or the Dungeon Master, you big geek).

Same process.

What I’m about to say might sound a bit undignified, but there’s no reason that she’ll ever find out:

When you are making love to her, pretend to be someone else.

Someone heroic from a movie or a book, someone who can last all night.  You know, James Bond or something.  Invest yourself in this identity.  Move the way that guy moves, touch her the way that guy would touch a woman…

Once you succeed (and you will if you give this a try), you can ditch the fictional character and just KEEP HIS CONFIDENCE.

I think it is worth repeating at this point:  If you have trouble lasting as long as you want to… THIS WORKS.

And this statement is built on thousands of hours of research: As nutty as it may sound, you will only be a premature ejaculator for as long as you think that you are a premature ejaculator.

And go easy on the poor girl.  She will get sore after a while, and nobody likes a show off.

Be good, play safe, and be nice to girls always.

For more techniques for lasting longer in bed, check out the video and download my free strategy guide: 5 Techniques To Prolong Sex And Control You Ejaculation

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What the hell happened? Is it possible for one’s frame to be too strong?

In my humble opinion… no. It is not possible for one’s frame to be too strong. It’s all about syntax, baby. It is possible for one’s frame to be too fixed. A “strong” frame is an “adaptable” frame. The Constitution of the United States of America is such a brilliant piece of codification because it is wisely augmentable. Just like a healthy outer frame.

A strong frame is not a frame of stone. It’s semi-permeable: letting positive experiences affect you while pushing out the negative. A strong frame is flexible, not impenetrable. I live by the theory of frame osmosis.

In order to grab on to this ethereal concept, one must make it palpable by coming up with a diagram, mental image, metaphor, etc. to represent who you are and how you interact with the rest of the world. My personal metaphor is that of a nucleus and a set of two concentric semi-permeable membranes like a cell.

I’ve got my inner core, inner frame, and my outer frame.

The inner core is the evolutionary grain augmented by my experiences and environmental stimuli. It’s basically “who I am… on the inside.” It’s not all of my neurosis and behavioral idiosyncrasies… it’s deeper than that. It’s that inner beacon that gets blipped out a bit while I’m experiencing real intimacy with another human being. A healthy inner core is properly wired to the parts around it, and is attracted to itself. I love hanging out with myself. I love myself, period. Therefore, others love to hang out with (and some even love) me too.

Now, on to the frames.

My inner frame surrounds my core, and the outer frame surrounds my inner frame. Two concentric circles around a core. The inner frame can’t be an iron box; it certainly shouldn’t be tissue. The inner frame should be a semi-permeable membrane, allowing certain things in and certain things out. The “stronger” my frame, the more choice experiences and emotions will be allowed to trickle in while superficial and transient shit will be blocked out. Only with a healthy inner core will the inner frame be able to properly function. Only after the inner frame is completely programmed, can one successfully be able to give a shit while not giving a fuck.

What I mean by “giving a shit” is letting other people’s opinions affect you. This should happen with people’s opinions that you truly trust, the people who deserve to have a real and lasting impact on your life and who you are. If you don’t “give a shit” about real and true insights, you end up just being a bull-headed asshole. It’s a very solitary life.

However, being a completely sympathetic/attention seeking mush isn’t healthy either. Nor, is it attractive. It’s needy, and needy is not sexy. “Not giving a fuck” is the phrase I use when my inner frame blocks out superficial opinions from affecting my inner core. There are idiots in the world. You don’t have to qualify to them because they don’t deserve it. Your inner core must have worth, or this semi-permeable membrane inner frame can’t effectively categorize the quality from the superficial.

Back to the last layer:

the outer frame is the first thing a stranger will notice about me. It’s reflected in my body language, my confidence, and my presence. It’s my own bubble that I walk around in. As a personal preference… I choose to party in mine. I bring other people into the party, or I screen them as not worthy of an invite. It’s also my reality in real-time, in the world, existing. It’s the experience I choose to have and the experience I choose to let others in on. Now, a strong outer frame will affect other people through interaction. My frame is strong enough to suck other people in… only because all of the inner pieces are healthy and functioning.

What happens when I’m in a relationship? How does this model accommodate intimacy? (Two frames separating the world from my inner core can sound like I’m being over-protective, no?) If one is worthy, after time my inner frame melds with my outer frame and becomes one unit, allowing as much of the inner core out as is healthy. This formulaic reaction leads to mind-blowing relations with other human beings. And really good sex.

Now, everyone’s model does not have to be exactly like mine. I do, however, suggest that it is metaphorically flexible. Also, I beg you to make it THAT specific. Why? Because the strongest frame (even the most flexible frame) will shatter. Existential crisis is crucial to the human experience and development. You can’t stop tragedy. If your model is specific, and you can picture how it all fits together and functions, then you can mentally go in, see where the crash occurred, rewire, and ensure you may be able to better deal with said crisis in the future. We’re not building up scar tissue; we’re talking about building stronger, more flexible muscles.

Personal example:

If ever I’m having an inner game issue, my nucleus (inner core) is the first place I go. The first step to building my inner game back is rewiring everything that connects to that inner core. Once I’ve visualized my inner core, I start to flip the attraction switches on myself (either by self-affirmations, meditation, punching someone, whatever.) Only from there, can the rest of the frames work properly. Only from there, can I get my game back on track. I know that I have to be attracted to myself in order for anyone else to be deeply attracted to me. Thus, I ensure I’m wisely open to positive experiences that will make me a better person tomorrow than I am today.

A warning:

I’ve known men who tried to portray that nothing could ever affect them because nothing external could get in too deep. These men felt strong because they built a stone wall around themselves, and, yes, it did keep some things from breaking through. However, when something did break the fortress (and baby, something always will) they were left standing naked in public. Some of these men grasped at the pieces of wall to cover themselves. Some men started gathering the rocks to throw at those coming to the rescue. Some men plopped down and cried like children. It’s just silly watching a grown man throw a temper tantrum, especially grown men who are supposed Masters in the Pick-Up Community. These men end up burning bridges, turning to manipulation, and will never admit that they failed at something. To admit human defeat would be to expose the myth of who they are.

My friends, I suggest trying to positively augment yourself so that you can let wonderful experiences in and keep the bullshit out. We are living, breathing, works of art walking on an evolving earth as the clock ticks towards the unknown.

Stationary existence has no place in a kinetic world.

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