In Part 1 I talked about how picking up the tab on your dates will instantly make it easier to create more attraction with a woman. No, I’m not part of some conspiracy to get men to give up everything they own to the fairer sex. I’m just being honest.
Most people are concerned with making things fair. While fairness is very useful in many contexts, it is an attraction killer, because fairness gets rid of tension, and attraction is created by tension.
photo credit: Tommy Ellis
The women you will meet likely grew up with more modern ideas about being an independent woman, and she has lost touch with her deep, feminine desire to be taken care of by a man. Most women you meet will feel guilt and shame about wanting you to pay for her when you go out on a date. Those same women will feel freakin’ incredible when they realize that you want to take care of them just because they are beautiful creatures full of love.
So what about you?
Are you just supposed to be the bank that funds her fun, feminine time in life? Um, no…actually, if that happens then you’re dating a gold-digger. Gold-diggers are useless and need to be kicked to the curb—pronto.
What do you get in return for taking care of your woman?
Appreciation.
I don’t mean a half-hearted “Thanks, honey.” That’s crap. I’m talking about your woman constantly glowing and radiating with happiness because you are her man. She constantly tells you what a great man you really are. She brags about you to all her friends nonstop. Basically, if you want your woman—and everyone else in your life—to know that you are the man, this is how to get that.
Sexual Surrender.
Ok, this does NOT mean that a woman owes you sex because you bought her something. A woman doesn’t owe you anything, ever, just because you picked up the tab—no matter how expensive it was.
However, when you set the standard that you are a man in charge and you take care of things, a woman will take the unconscious cue that she can fully relax and surrender to you in all areas—including sexually. In other words, you will have better, hotter sex.
More Financial Control.
I know it seems like it would be the other way around, but actually, the more you pick up the tab, the more financial control you have in your interactions with women, and over time you will probably SAVE money in a relationship.
When you set the frame that you are the one paying for things, a woman will likely go along with it. When you set the frame that you two split things 50/50—the control of the finances will become 50/50 too. That means you will have to do a lot more compromising about where to go on dates, and you will probably end up splitting the tab at a more expensive place than you would have otherwise gone to.
Do the math:
50/50 split relationship frame: You suggest a lunch spot with $7 sandwiches, she suggests a “really cute” café that will cost about $30 a person. You compromise on a lunch spot that costs you each $20. The vibe is fair and friendly.
Masculine takes care of feminine relationship frame: You take charge and decide to take her to the $7 sandwich place (it’s hot when you make decisions).You treat her to lunch, spending a total of $14. The vibe is sexy and fun.
It’s kind of a no-brainer.
Yes, a woman will still suggest more expensive things and test this boundary, but if it’s understood that you are paying, then when you say, “No, I’m not spending $20 on a drink. Let’s go somewhere else,” she will be much more likely to respect that. She will see that you can handle your finances—which is sexy.
She takes care of you too.
When I have a man taking charge and taking care of me without expecting anything in return, it’s my joy and pleasure to give to him, too. It’s my joy and pleasure to treat him to lunch, massage his shoulders, and actually, do whatever else he needs or wants.
This feels so much better than doing something out of the guilt and obligation of keeping things fair. I absolutely can’t stand the nagging thought of, “Well, he got lunch last week, so I’ll get the drinks tonight…” That’s a fast way to drain the sexual attraction, which brings me to…
Attraction that lasts past the honeymoon phase of a relationship.
When I think about the moment that the honeymoon phase died in my past relationships, it pretty much always been the moment that I realized the days of him taking me out are over and it’s time for that practical, 50/50 partnership where everything gets split down the middle.
In Part 1, I mentioned an 80 minute conversation with a female friend about how paying for yourself—or at least offering—is the polite thing to do. She says she happily expects to always pay for herself.
This same woman, a couple years ago, didn’t have sex with her boyfriend for six months because, “he never takes me out anymore, and so I just don’t feel romantic and attracted to him.”
Just recently I had a guy I’ve been dating for a few months buy a meal (1 meal that we were going to share!) and then turn around and ask me, “Do you have cash?” I handed over $6 in cash, knowing that the fun part of the relationship had just ended.
Seriously, is it worth it to kill the attraction in your relationship for six lousy bucks?
No, of course, not, but most of us are so programmed to make everything “fair” that we aren’t even aware we are doing it.
Forget fairness.
Man up, take care of your woman, and take her out on dates—in return she will appreciate you, stay attracted to you, and treat you well for weeks, months, and years to come.
Article by Liz Leia
Liz Leia started as the editor for Sean Stephenson's Inner Game Magazine, where she wrote a monthly newsletter titled "Getting Inside a Woman." The newsletter offered the woman's perspective on what women are really attracted to. Sean started getting an overwhelming response from men that they appreciated Liz's fresh and unique perspective on what it truly takes to be the kind of man that attracts women. After writing her first eBook, Liz became a certified NLP Master Practitioner and began coaching men around the world. When Inner Game Magazine closed in May 2009, Liz launched her own company, Getting Inside a Woman. Liz has since been interviewed by several experts in the field of social dynamics, regularly blogs on Pickup Podcast, and continues to successfully coach men around the world.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
I have really mixed feelings about this. Up until very recently my women never paid… end of story. AND, for the most part, if you (the man), ask the woman out, it’s really your responsibility anyway. You asked for her company.
But, lately I’ve been on a 1 man mission to not pay for anything with women. My ex burned me and honestly I haven’t had much cash to spend.
I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how well it actually works, and how in many situations it can escalate attraction. If the woman is gorgeous, and is used to getting everything, mixing it up will definitely create attraction.
my own opinion is it really really depends on the girl as in, I usually always offer to pay on a date, but if she INSISTS on going halves or picking it up.. and you keep fighting her for it.. she’ll will get PISSED! If she insists on paying I’ll say something like; “(sigh) fine, but I’m giving you a full body massage later.. ” hell even use that if she insists on going halves. I feel it also depends on the status of the relationship; first date, friends, or serious relationship are factors too. Taking a girl out on a first date I’ll always pay (again unless she’s going to cut my throat if she doesn’t throw in half).
‘Man up’, and similar terms are consistently used as a weapon by women in order to gain access to additional resources or commitment. “Man up”, “Be a man”, “Grow up” etc are similar to the word “slut”. They are non-definable, and only used to attack the social value of the person being referred to.
I have to question whether or not the author’s viewpoints are being corrupted by her female predisposition for seeking provider types, but consistently desiring lover types in spite of herself. In other words, is she offering advice based on what she feels like she wants instead of what she and other women actually respond to?
Awesome points Kyle… that is definitely something women do, say they want something and then stick with or go with the complete opposite. It’s that attraction thing. And, to add insult to injury there is evidence to support that when single, women look for the easy going, nice, provider type, but then once hooked (in a relationship) they seek a more masculine man to mess around with.
Is this a joke? Seriously, thinking of ending a relationship because your BF wanted you to give him 6$ is sick. You are a gold digger Liz.