There’s a nasty epidemic that’s spread across the world. No, I’m not talking about avian-swine-flu-ebola. I’m talking about Approval Seeking Syndrome (A.S.S.).
So, how do you know if you have A.S.S. with women?
Symptoms include:
- Having lots of women turn you down or flake on you.
- Doing “girlfriend things” for a woman who considers you just a friend.
- Watching the girl of your dreams make out with/date/marry someone else.
If you’re still not sure, then let me ask you…
Have you ever hesitated to say or do something that you would normally do because you were afraid of what a woman would think of you?
That is classic A.S.S., and it’s the #1 attraction killer among single people everywhere.
There are only two kinds of women that will be attracted to guys who seek their approval:
- Dominant control freaks.
- Women who have low self-esteem/have just had their hearts broken.
If you are looking for a woman in category one, go forth, prosper, and enjoy your life of indentured servitude.
As for a woman in category two, most likely it won’t last with her because either you will get annoyed with her lack of confidence (how many times can she ask you if you really think she’s pretty before it’s not cute anymore?), or she will eventually gain confidence, heal her broken heart, and the dump you and your A.S.S.
If you want to gain a woman’s attraction, you must stop seeking her approval.
If you’re worried about being rude or disrespectful, there is a huge difference between respecting other people and approval seeking.
Respecting others simply means you don’t engage in behavior that would harm what is theirs (body, possessions, etc.).
Approval seeking, on the other hand, is when you worry about what others think about you—and you’re afraid that they won’t like or accept you.
It might seem like you are “treating a woman right” by doing everything to please her, but you are actually giving her the exact opposite of what she really wants from you.
I’ll give you an example. A few years ago, I dated a guy who didn’t do anything without getting my stamp of approval first.
He worried that I wouldn’t like the venues he picked for dates. He worried I would think he was a nerd because he liked math and chess. Sometimes, he wouldn’t even converse with me because he worried about saying the wrong thing.
One day he was wearing a blue shirt that made him look sexy. I told him so. The next day he went out and bought a whole bunch of similar blue shirts; that’s all he would wear around me from then on.
Of course, when I tried to break it off with him, he just gave me puppy dog eyes and said,
“What did I do wrong? Please tell me and I’ll fix it.”
Cringe!
Look, a woman doesn’t want a slave boy; she wants a man who has his own personality and isn’t afraid to show it to her.
Everything that you are probably worried that a woman won’t like about you is exactly what she probably WILL like about you.
Next time you talk to a woman, share your personality with her. Share all the details that make you YOU. Doing so won’t make you sound like a loser; it will distinguish you from all the other A.S.S. losers she’s met that night. And that will be very attractive.
Article by Liz Leia
Liz Leia started as the editor for Sean Stephenson's Inner Game Magazine, where she wrote a monthly newsletter titled "Getting Inside a Woman." The newsletter offered the woman's perspective on what women are really attracted to. Sean started getting an overwhelming response from men that they appreciated Liz's fresh and unique perspective on what it truly takes to be the kind of man that attracts women. After writing her first eBook, Liz became a certified NLP Master Practitioner and began coaching men around the world. When Inner Game Magazine closed in May 2009, Liz launched her own company, Getting Inside a Woman. Liz has since been interviewed by several experts in the field of social dynamics, regularly blogs on Pickup Podcast, and continues to successfully coach men around the world.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
This article is dead on! Although I do believe that their are many different levels of approval seeking that go on between men and women but this article give a really good perspective on the “Typical” male that seeks approval from females. I think we should do a/another podcast on Approval Seeking behavior & how to avoid it.
Wow. I wish I had read this years ago. I probably have the worst case of A.S.S. ever. It’s lead to a lot of bullshit in my life. I really feel like a dumbass right now haha. Well thanks for the article, I guess it’s guys who have A.S.S. that made up the question “why do the douchebags always get the girls”.
Sam, it’s never too late for the cure…:)
Haha. A. S. S. sounds a lot like “nice guy syndrome.” It’s true, you have to “exist” for someone to want to date you. If you are conforming yourself to what you think someone else wants, you aren’t really “you,” so you don’t “exist.”
This article is on the money, however respect is a bit hard to define and a gray zone and I’ll tell you why.
Some women will use the concept of respect to see if they can manipulate, toy and punk a man and if they see that they can, then he is dead meat!
eg: “you know that a gentleman who respects women doesn’t mind showering her with attention and gifts”
One of the top ways that women manipulate men is by “pretending” to be offended or insulted by something he said , in other words giving subjective criticisms.
e.g. :
After some conversation
“I believe you and I should share each other’s company sometimes in the near future”
“…and do what?”
” exchange orgasms
” what ? I can’t believe you said that! you are an asshole, crass and impolite ” (exaggerated)
I’m sorry but if the guy is apologetic and says “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable” this is weak behavior and guess what, he is dead meat!.
NEVER APOLOGIZE for what you want guys!
Nice article